When we think about the word relationship, we can easily resort to thinking about intimacy with someone else but how many of you know the first initial relationship you have is the one you have with yourself? No, it is not the relationship you have with your parents, although this is the first relationship you begin to have with others.
Having a relationship with yourself is crucial, it starts with learning your bodily movements, sounds, physical appearance while exploring the world around you. As you grow, you begin to recognize your smells, sounds, visual effects, hearing, tasting and touching, as well as understanding your thoughts and behavior. From this exploration, you begin to recognize the important relationships in your life such as parents or caregivers and build a trusting bond from this relationship. As exploration continues you begin to make sense of what to do and not to do, which develops your character and self-esteem. A level of confidence emerges or depending on the caregiver approach, doubt or fear.
Growing up, our early relationship with ourself is dependent on the relationship our caregivers are having with us. This explains why children respond differently and grow differently, whether being confident or shy, fearful or fearless, strong or timid and fragile. Hence, parental relationship sets the initial tone for the child’s relationship life. A healthy environment to promote autonomy is mandatory. Nonetheless, a child can rise above the disadvantage of not having a stable foundation and this emerges from their ability to beat the odds. Hence, the question becomes, what is the relationship they are having with themself?
The relationship we have with ourself determine the relationship we have with others and how we present ourselves the world around us. An inadequate child who grows into an inadequate adult will become a follower, lack independence thus becoming dependent on others, which makes them vulnerable to be taken advantage of. An inadequate adult will find it difficult to use their voice and see their self-worth as greater than the inadequacy they are experiencing. An inadequate adult will stay in abusive relationships or relationships that are unhealthy and only further the brokenness they are experiencing. On the other hand, a confident adult will value themself, see their self-worth, assert confidence in their abilities, attract healthy relationships and set healthy boundaries.
A person who has an unhealthy relationship with themself will desire healthy relationship but will not maintain them. This individual will find themself pushing away healthy relationships by creating damage, only to settle for those that validates how they feel about themself. An example is, a person who has low self-esteem will settle for an abusive relationship to have someone in their life, while justifying the abuse as showing love.
You must begin to develop a relationship with yourself in order to attract healthy relationships but most importantly to become who God called you to be. It takes confidence to become who God called you to be. Personally, I had to learn the broken places in my life required healing and even though God used others to minister to those places that needed Him the most, I had to come into agreement I was experiencing brokenness.
Confess! Confess! Confess!
Brokenness requires us to go before our mirror and recognize who we are right now, to agree the relationship we are having with ourself is not helping or even healthy for us, and to desire to change the path we have been walking all these years. When the relationship you are having with yourself is broken or damaged, even the relationship you are having with God will be impacted believe it or not. An insecure relationship with yourself will limit what God can do in your life. However, God appreciates a broken vessel and will gladly attend to those broken areas. In fact, God moves upon those who are broken.
Sometimes we can easily see ourselves as worthless due to our experiences, whether an unhealthy romantic relationship or the relationship we have with caregivers and friends but the beauty of Christ is He died just for you to experience wholeness, completion, peace and love. God’s love will enable you to see yourself as a masterpiece created in His image. Love is the most powerful weapon, and it is a beacon of light wanting to shine on the places in your life that limits your relationship with God, yourself and others.
Do not feel guilty about the lack of relationship you have with yourself, the result of this relationship and the impact it is having with your relationship with God and others. In fact, see this as an opportunity to begin working on having a relationship with yourself by going directly to God to help you navigate and release the barriers that initially created a dent in your relationship. I have come to the realization that even if a relationship started out poorly, there is always room for growth and change – for improvement.
You were created with purpose, hope, passion, love and perfection. The greatest relationship you could ever have is the one you have with God, it is from this relationship you will begin to recognize the beauty of having a relationship with yourself.
Be humble during this process and enjoy the best relationship you could ever have with yourself.
“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” [Psalm 34:18].
“There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friend.” [John 15:13].